Personal Blog

Renew

Artist: Martin Johnson Heade

Hey, everyone!

How is everyone doing? Good I hope.

I’ve been going on a little bit of an inner journey. Right now, I’ve been reading and working a lot with the subconscious mind. It began when I started to experience a lot of feelings about my childhood. During transitions periods like graduation, career changes, or moving to a new home it can trigger a lot of feelings of fear or mourning. Since I’m in a transitional period of my life, I was feeling like mourning my childhood or me leaving my childhood. I was quite emotional about it and I had no idea why, so I got a hunch to follow my intuition: trauma.

Healing trauma is a theme in my life right now. I needed to mourn some part of my inner child before I could transition to the next part of my life. Trauma is a huge part of the human experience and it’s an even bigger part of manifesting our dream life, love, or anything else. It contributes to a large part of our limiting beliefs and blocks. It can contribute to stress, disease, and repeating patterns that reflect back in our experiences.

It hit me that I’d been experiencing the same road blocks, fears, and experiences that were manifesting into my reality because of unhealed trauma. It can cause us to subconsciously manifest beliefs that show up as unavailable people, being stuck in a dead end career, not advancing in life, etc. For me, it was related to fear of the future, the unknown, and lack.

I think a part of my inner child was mourning because she felt like she was losing everything she thought to be was safe. I’ve been spending a lot of time rewiring my subconscious to understand what peace, respect, and belief in myself mean. A lot of experiences we go through as a child can shape certain beliefs. For example, someone who may have gone through abuse from an overbearing mother or father might form a belief that women/men are controlling or that they don’t know how to make decisions for themselves, so they attract women/men who are controlling or overbearing because they have that belief embedded into them. The good news is we have the power to rewrite that story and break these patterns. It might not happen overnight, but it can happen with a lot of will power.

Here’s a list of things I’ve been working on to help myself heal.

  • I kept attracting people who took too much from me because I believed that if I gave more to them they’d like me.
  • I was unable to manifest abundance into my life because I believed that money had to be worked hard for and that I was undeserving of it.
  • I would try so hard to control situations rather than allow them to manifest organically because I grew up in an environment where I could control my circumstances.
  • I believed that attention and love were never freely given so I had to do things to put the attention on to myself in order to feel validated.
  • I believed that I was unworthy of success because I was never good enough.

Now here’s what I did to rewrite this. I had to get to the root.

  • I grew up in a place with a narcissist, so everything was about giving to them and not getting anything in return. I had to practice asserting myself, establishing boundaries, saying ‘no’, and not over extending myself because I now believed that I can receive just as much as I give.
  • I believed that I was worthy of money and abundance, and that I didn’t have to work hard and suffer to manifest abundance. I relaxed and learned how to invest in revenue that I enjoyed rather than work like a dog. I quit a job where I was overworked and suddenly manifested revenue out of nowhere.
  • I believe that I can trust God (whatever you believe in or don’t believe in) to allow things to flow through me (emotions, love, fear, happiness, sadness) on its own and trust that this or something better is on its way to me. I worked on releasing anxiety, depression, and fear of the future. This led to me to manifest solutions spontaneously that worked out in my favor.
  • Love in all forms doesn’t have to be earned, but freely given. I let go of people, situations, things that no longer served me in order to manifest healthy relationships where I feel honored, respected, and love for who I am rather than who people want me to be.
  • I am worthy of success because I am.

A lot of these beliefs come from growing up in a critical environment and culture where societal viewpoints tend to take precedence over your own. That can force people to seek validation from outside themselves rather than inside themselves. As soon as I started to chip away at those beliefs and rewrite them, I noticed that the outside world started to change. Somewhere along the way we adopt these beliefs because of a terrible breakup, our parents relationships, feeling ridiculed for something when we were a child by our peers, etc. It can happen at any age, and while it may be a trivial event, it can profoundly impact the way we view ourselves and what we believe we are worth of obtaining or having.

I encourage everyone who reads this to take a moment and look into shadow work, healing trauma, whatever label you resonate with and challenge them. Take a moment to identify what stories seem to be repeating in your life and go back and think about where these patterns originate from. What belief does it support? Where does this belief seem to stem from? Again, I want to point out that everyone seek professional help because I’m not here to substitute this as medical advice, but really dig deep.

No matter how big or small the issue seems to be, I challenge you to rewrite those limiting beliefs. I hope this resonated with someone! Have a great day!

Stephanie

Here’s the link to my podcast: https://open.spotify.com/episode/2iBGINgS4Zj0tmomn1x0bJ?si=L3s1j2J6SACTAhm7cE4aLw

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